Resolving and Overcoming Relationship Conflicts

Relationships will face challenges. No matter how much you care about someone, disagreements and misunderstandings happen. Overcoming conflict in a relationship requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to work together. In this article, we will walk through some strategies to help navigate those difficult moments.

1. Recognize the Difference Between Conflict and Abuse

It’s important to understand the difference between normal relationship conflict and abusive behavior. Conflict, even in the healthiest of relationships, will happen. People will argue, disagree, and sometimes say things they don’t mean. Abuse, however, is a pattern of behavior that controls, harms, or intimidates the other person. Abuse can be physical, emotional, financial, or psychological.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, it’s crucial to get professional help immediately. Therapy can help both the survivor and the person responsible for the abuse to understand the patterns and start healing.

2. Calm Down Before You Talk

When emotions are high, communication often breaks down. It’s common for people to get defensive or upset when they feel attacked. One of the first steps in resolving conflict is taking a step back. If you feel angry or upset, give yourself time to cool down. Once you’ve had some time to collect yourself, you can return to the conversation with a clearer mind. This helps you avoid saying things you might regret later and lets you listen better.

3. It’s Not Just What You Say, But How You Say It

Clear communication is key to resolving conflict, but it’s just as important to pay attention to how you’re saying things. If you’re upset, using “I” statements to explain your feelings is more effective than using accusatory “you” statements. Additionally, it’s important not to throw out definitives like “never” and “always” as these are generally exaggerations that will push your partner further away and invite a defensive response. This way, you talk about your feelings without blaming the other person. Do you feel as though your partner doesn’t really hear what you’re saying? Try phrasing it as “It upsets me when I feel like I’m not being listened to,” rather than saying “You don’t ever listen to me.”

This approach can help prevent the other person from getting defensive and allows for a more open and productive conversation.

4. Understand Each Other’s Perspective

It’s easy to get caught up in your own feelings during a disagreement, but it’s important to try to see things from the other person’s point of view. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say, but understanding where they’re coming from can help you resolve the conflict faster.

Ask open-ended questions, and listen actively. Show that you are paying attention by repeating what they’ve said and confirming that you understand.

5. Compromise to Find Solutions

Once the emotions have settled and both sides understand each other, it’s time to move toward solutions. In healthy relationships, both partners contribute to problem-solving. An integral part of conflict resolution in relationships is viewing it as “us vs. the problem” rather than “me vs. you.” This mindset shift can help couples compromise and arrive at a solution quicker.

Conclusion

Conflict resolution isn’t always easy, especially if the issues are deep-rooted or involve past trauma. If you’re finding it hard to resolve conflict on your own, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist who has experience in these areas. As a therapist specializing in domestic violence therapy, I’ve worked with many individuals who have been through relationship struggles. I’ve seen it all and I would be happy to help guide you and your partner through conflict resolution strategies. If you want to learn more, check out my contact page which has a few different options to get in touch with my office to schedule an appointment.